No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
