I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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