on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
