I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
operation have a gay friend backfired
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Boobs are out for the taking
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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