My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
someone owes me an orgasm
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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