It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
