sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
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There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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