I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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