The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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