I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
