after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize