so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
