I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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