So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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