I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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