did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
