OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
