then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
