whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
