hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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