Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
