Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
pray to the hookup gods
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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