Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
