I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
