Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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