I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
