just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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