hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize