I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
