we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
