I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
