Midget sex pt 2 tonight
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize