hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
