When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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