I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
