Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
