your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
