i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I AM VODKA MAN
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize