it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
