wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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