So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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