I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
