EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
