im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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