Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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