i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
