Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
