Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
