i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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