You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
