All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
