yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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