Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
