I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
