I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My life is pants optional.
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