reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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