i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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