who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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