have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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