hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
