you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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