Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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