??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
