Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
