that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
